Catfish for dinner: The real story behind a viral dating TikTok

After Taylor Paré was stood up on a date, she turned to TikTok. In a now-viral video, she claimed to have uncovered a new scheme to scam to singles looking for love on the internet. Endless Thread investigates.

Show notes:

The TV Show That Predicted America’s Lonely, Disorienting Digital Future (New York Times)
I thought I had a hot date — I got catfished by a restaurant instead (New York Post)

This content was originally created for audio. The transcript has been edited from our original script for clarity. Heads up that some elements (i.e. music, sound effects, tone) are harder to translate to text.

Grace: Hi Ben Brock Johnson.

Ben: Hi producer Grace Tatter. What internet mystery do you have for me today?

Grace: Okay, Ben, do you remember a few months ago, we independently stumbled upon the same video, which I feel like doesn't actually happen that much, does it?

Ben: No, it doesn't happen that often. You’re out there looking at astrology, and I'm out there looking at hold my beer and never the twain shall meet.

Grace: Exactly. Except for this one time.  So this was a dating mystery from this TikToker, Taylor Pare.

Ben: A dating mystery. Something I haven't had since about, uh, 2004.

Grace: This is out of your wheelhouse and much more in mine.

Ben: Yeah, do you have a lot of dating mysteries?

Grace: So many. My life is one big dating mystery. So Taylor's in the same boat. Actually, Taylor and I have a lot of similarities because she's also in her 30s. She's also single. She also lives in New York City. Her bio is storytelling and spilling tea NYC, just to ground you in who our narrator is. So you see Taylor. She looks like she's in a leopard print bathrobe. Pretty cozy. And there's this sad music playing as she tells us a tale of woe slash horror story, depending on your perspective.

[Taylor Pare: I was just stood up on a date and it was the most humiliating experience ever.]

Ben: Well, that doesn't sound good.

Grace: I know. Poor Taylor. So Taylor said she matched with this guy on a dating app. He asked her to dinner, confirmed the plans the day of, and then he just never showed. As we've discussed, this is like a highly theoretical situation for you, but say you were meeting an online date.

Ben: Mhmm.

Grace: What would you do if they, if you're at the place, it's like five minutes have passed, they're not there. What would you do?

Ben: Well, number one, I wouldn't do dinner first. That's not a first date. I feel like a first date thing is like, take a walk in a very public place and maybe have an ice cream cone. But that's, maybe I'm old fashioned. If somebody didn't show up to dinner, I feel like I would, maybe shoot him a text and be like, Hey, I'm here. This is the, you know, hat I'm wearing. I'm in the back, uh, at a two top. you know, I’d try to give them some helpful information while also trying to check on their ETA.

Grace: Well, even though you've been out of the game for a bajillion years, I think that that's all pretty sound. I think you're right about not doing dinner for a first date. It's way too much of a commitment. And then also all of the checking in stuff, that language sounds right.

Ben: Alright, I'll let my wife know that I'm still, that I still have it. No, just kidding. Okay, go on.

Grace: Well, I don't know if Taylor actually like, what text she sent when this guy wasn't showing up, but after a while enough time has passed, she figures, I'm at the restaurant anyway, what the hell. So she ordered a drink and some food and she just had a little solo date and then she went home.

Ben: I guess I would probably do that, too, if I had sat down. I feel like it would be, like, awkward to leave, like, I, for some reason, I’d feel guilty about that. And also, yeah, I might have even ordered, like an appetizer just to be like, Oh, this'll be nice. Like I'll get some food that like, maybe we can both eat and like, I can like snack on it. And then like, when the date shows up, there will already be some food for them to snack on there.

Grace: Wow.

Ben: I just love snacks. I don't know.

Grace: Whole game plan. I think I also probably would order a drink in this situation. But this situation fortunately has never happened to me, but it's like, not that novel of a situation, right? Being stood up, like this alone does not make for a viral story, and I assume people have gotten stood up since time immemorial, but this is the age of Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and there are just so many new ways that things can go wrong. It's a very exciting time to be alive. And I've heard a lot of horror stories, but what Taylor says happened here, the reason she says she was stood up, was one that I had never heard before.

[Taylor: And it wasn't until I got home when I was scrolling Facebook and I saw a very similar story from a girl at that same restaurant who also got stood up. And she found out there are restaurants now posing as people on dating apps. Just so you go to their business and once you get stood up, they know that probably nine times out of 10, that you're going to buy something from them. And that just blew my mind.]

Ben: It blew my mind too, but it also felt like something that was like an a-ha moment for me, where it was like if there is one thing, along with getting stood up, that has probably happened since ancient Sumer, it's also that like, humanity will always find newer ways to scam each other and make money.

Grace: Sure, we are an entrepreneurial, if flaky, species, I guess.

Ben: It's true.

(music)

So this felt legit to me because I was like, Oh, that makes sense in a way. Like I, I get that. and especially in New York City where there's so much competition among restaurants, they're opening and closing all the time. I mean, we're already using AI on dating apps and dating profiles all the time. So why not make 500 profiles, all of which are trying to like, get a reservation at your restaurant and bring in, you know, whatever, 55, uh, hungry singles, you know, it makes sense.

Grace: Sure, I mean, personally, I want to know where this restaurant is. I'm always looking for a restaurant where you can actually get a seat instead of having to make a reservation really far in advance or waiting. But, sure, this theory maybe has some legs to it. Why do you think that this video went so viral?

Ben: That's a good question. I mean, like, again, like, it's not at all relevant to my life, and yet I was pretty fascinated by it, right? I wonder if it's sort of like tapping into this deep form of fear, maybe, that we all have, which is, like, the idea of effectively being romantically rejected, right? And so like, there's something about that that just gets like a visceral, like, Oh my God, I can't believe this happened to you. That's so awful. Right? Like, I guess to me that was the thing that sort of made a jump out to me. And also, I guess, I'm continually fascinated by how we're using technology to like trick each other. So that's the other piece of it to me. I was like, Ooh, this is an interesting new way for like our boring dystopia to exist.

Grace: Yeah. And I feel like you're tapping into two things. Yeah, that primal fear of rejection and then how it collides with technology. The American people love a catfishing story and I think it's because it combines those two things.

Ben: Mmmm.

Grace: I almost feel like I learned about online dating and catfishing as a concept simultaneously. At the same time. Like I never knew about online dating without the possibility of catfishing.

Ben: Yeah, it’s a feature, not a bug.

Grace: Exactly. I feel like in the early 2010s, there were just so many horror stories about catfishing.

Like there was that journalist who uncovered the Notre Dame football player who had been catfished in 2013.

Ben: Oh yeah.

[ABC news clip]

Grace: That was a sad one. I think just the year before that, the MTV show Catfishing debuted and that's still going strong.

[sound of Catfish trailer]

Ben: When I saw that show, I was like, Oh my God, this show is kind of amazing.

Grace: I mean, there's no spectacle like human misery. So I guess in that spirit, after you and I talked about this video – I decided to look into this catfishing mystery. I’ll admit I was a little skeptical – but if I could spare just one online dater from being stood up by a nefarious restaurant, it seemed worth digging into.

Ben: Mhmm

Grace: So, the first, obvious step is find the restaurant in question, right? Except, Taylor was tight lipped on this. She posted this TikTok as a follow up to the first one.

[Taylor: I'm not entirely sure it's the restaurant who's up to this. It could be a second party, like an app. A mob scene. I don't know, an underground restaurant situation.]

Grace: I reached out to her several times, um, via her social media accounts, via TikTok and Instagram, just to see if she could even give us that information on background, and I didn't hear back from Taylor.

Ben: You tried to set up a date, if you will, to talk to her about the thing.

Grace: Yes, and maybe she thought I was a bot. So, no response.

Ben: Okay.

Grace: But fear not, I had more leads.

Ben: I would never.

Grace: In the original TikTok, Taylor said she’d learned about the scam from a Facebook post, right? And in the video, she included a screenshot of that Facebook post. You can see some text of another woman talking about getting stood up, and a screen shot of the offending guy’s dating profile. So I reached out to the woman who wrote THAT post. Her name is also Taylor, Taylor Finkelson. And a few days later, she responded.

Ben: Woo! What did she say? What did she say, Grace?

Grace: She said, Hey Grace, you have the right Taylor, but the TikTokker got the facts wrong.

Ben: Ooh.

Grace: More on what actually happened after the break.

Sponsor break

Grace: Okay, Ben, we're back and now I'm going to tell you what actually happened on Taylor Finkelson's date gone wrong.

Ben: Oh man, I'm here with bated breath. I can't wait.

Grace: Okay, also it's a little confusing that the TikTokker is named Taylor Pare -

Ben: Double Taylors?

Grace: And the woman whose Facebook posts – Yeah, double Taylors. It's a Taylor world, and and we are all just living in it.

Ben: Okay. Taylor squared.

Grace: Exactly. But henceforth, when we refer to Taylor, we're talking about Taylor Finkelson, who we actually spoke with.

Ben: Okay. All right. I'm in.

Grace: Here's the restaurant catfishing story (Other Taylor's Version).

Taylor Finkelson: So I was speaking to this person whose name was Antoine, or at least I thought I was speaking to them. We had a great conversation. We had made plans to meet. I usually require a FaceTime to start, but I had a good feeling about them. So I picked a place that was near me.

Grace: Okay, that last detail, that's important, right?

Ben: Yeah.

Grace: Why is that important?

Ben: Well, because like if he stands her up and she picked the restaurant, then she can't, unless she's the person who's trying to get him to show up to the restaurant and pay money, then there's a major fact in this story, the way it's been represented to us so far, that basically like undercuts the entire thesis of the story.

Grace: Exactly. But the story goes on.

Taylor Finkelson: You know, I show up and I, and I'm there and I'm waiting and crickets. I had checked in with him like two days before to make sure we were still on. When I was there, as I was waiting, uh, I received a message from him saying that he was in a slight car accident, and he was gonna still try to make it, but like, didn't know how long it would take to, you know, speak to the police and blah blah blah, and he sent me a photo of the car accident.

Grace: OK, you’re Taylor, you receive this car accident pic. What’re you thinking?

Ben: Either that's what he uses with all the poor women who are waiting for him at dates. Like, either this is like a bit, or he's legit.

Grace: Right. So – and he even actually called Taylor, and they had a long discussion about this. So she's like, let's just reschedule. You take care of this. Just make sure that you're okay and we'll, we'll do this another time.

Ben: Okay.

Grace: So how are we feeling about this?

Ben: I mean, I feel like, again, like, it's a little tricky. I mean, like, if I were Facebook Taylor, I would say, okay, it's a bit of a red flag that, like, our first date meet up, Antoine has got himself into a car accident, but he did send me a picture of the accident. He did call me, like, I'm going to give him a second chance. I'm still Team- there's a future for a Taylor and Antoine.

Grace: So Taylor too. She picks another day and then that day she just texts to check in to confirm that they're still on. And this time he doesn't respond.

Ben: Oh, man.

Grace: I know. So she's wondering, what's up? But Taylor was not born yesterday. And she remembered that she had that picture of the car crash, and she thought to Google Image Search the picture of the crash he sent her the day they had first scheduled the date.

Ben: Okay, okay.

Grace: And she finds that it's just like a generic image.

Ben: Oh my god, Antoine.

Taylor Finkelson: So anyway, I posted about this online, being like I was stood up. This guy said he was in a car accident. He appeared to be lying based on the fact that I found the image online.

Grace: So that's the Facebook post that the TikTokker Taylor had included in the video.

Ben: This is a totally different story.

Grace: Totally different story!

Ben: Wait, can I ask a question?

Grace: Yeah.

Ben: Did Taylor Finkelson eat at the restaurant, the original restaurant that she went to?

Grace: You know, that is a great question. I believe she did.

Ben: Here’s my guess. Antoine, a day before he went to the restaurant, he asked for a commission on a, on a meal. And he said, listen, I'm bringing people into your restaurant right now. And uh, and I just want you to give me like, like $3 per customer that I bring in. I'll tell you the time that I'm, you know, that I'm, that I'm working 'em into the restaurant and you give me a commission. And that's why he's using the same car crash photo for everyone. He's setting up dates on dates on dates.

Grace: Very creative, Ben.

Ben: He's reverse engineering this.

Grace: Wow. If this whole podcasting thing doesn't work out, maybe you can be a criminal mastermind.

Ben: Yeah, I can be a criminal dating mastermind. I'm sure my wife, Sarah, would be thrilled at this idea.

Grace: Well, you don't actually have to go on any of the dates, so –

Ben: That's right, I just need a photo of a car crash. That's all I need.

Grace: Well, that's not what happened in this story. So about a week later, The identical person, same exact profile, messages Taylor and –

Taylor Finkelson: I respond being like, dude, you have some guts or, or balls like reaching back out to me to like try to reschedule something and they're like, what are you talking about?

Ben: Oh. What?

Grace: Yeah, someone had just copy and pasted real Antoine's profile. So the first profile that Taylor was talking to was a catfish, but this Antoine is assuring Taylor that he's the real deal.

Ben: Mmm. Man, this is getting...this is getting too interesting for trying to date and find love in New York City. It's a little too interesting. Okay, go on.

Taylor Finkelson: I was like, can we do a FaceTime? And we did. And sure enough, it was, it was the guy whose profile it actually was.

Grace: So this actually has a happy ending. They've gone on a few dates and Antoine and Taylor are still talking.

Ben: What?

Grace: I know! In fact, the real Antoine is actually how Taylor ended up seeing this TikTok about the restaurant catfishing ploy.

Taylor Finkelson: He was like, a friend just sent this to me, because it was his photo in the, you know, in the post that I had shared. And he was like, a friend just shared this with me –

Grace: That's crazy. How did you feel like being like, Hmm, this was kind of taken out of context. And how did he feel since it was his picture?

Taylor Finkelson: I mean, we both were like, this is nonsense, but like, it's amazing what can get picked up by TikTok. Like, here I am, Little Miss Nobody, and like, this video has gone viral with a lie?

Ben: Wait, this poor guy! I hope it works out with Taylor, cause like, he's now been put on blast by other Taylor who's apparently just like telling wild stories on TikTok.

Grace: Exactly! It seems like, fortunately, Taylor and Antoine both just think that this is kind of funny and no real harm has come from it. Taylor has DM'd, TikTok Taylor to be like, Hey, that's not what happened at all, but she has also never responded to her.

Ben: What? I feel like TikTok Taylor might be the real scammer here. Forget the catfisher. TikTok Taylor is like scamming. She's making up stories for views. This is dating misinformation.

Grace: And I do wonder about TikTok Taylor's content – as I mentioned, her bio is storytelling, and a lot of the stories she does sound are pretty outrageous. Like, she tells a story about when she was a roommate with a Victoria's Secret model who was, like, a hoarder and kept, like, used toilet paper in her purse, which is a pretty disgusting story. That story also went viral.

Ben: Wait, what?

Grace: She just seems to tell a lot of outrageous stories that would be hard to prove exactly. I'm not saying for sure that she's lying because I don't know, but that seems to be her brand of storytelling. Things that kind of sound like an urban legend, right? Like something that you'd hear from a friend of a friend. But it's her speaking into the camera, using her real name, and that makes it feel a little bit more believable.

Ben: Grace, how do you feel about this?

(sigh)

Ben: Deep sigh.

Grace: I feel like with this specific instance, people already feel burned out enough on online dating, so I don't think it's particularly helpful to spread – I mean, obviously it's not helpful to spread misinformation. I think particularly around online dating, we don't need any more fodder to hate it. I think we're already there.

Ben: Yeah.

Grace: And it’s a necessary evil. So I would prefer people to just stick to true horror stories, which abound. You don't even have to make stuff up.

Ben: Well, I think, like, the other thing that bothers me a little bit is, like, look, we all know that people do creative writing and creative storytelling experiments on the internet, right? Like, that is a thing that happens all the time. But, like, I have to say, like, I'm pretty disappointed in TikTok Taylor. Like, I feel like TikTok Taylor is trying to make the world a worse place than it actually is. There was catfishing in this case, right? Like, there was some kind of account or person who, like, stole Antoine's identity and gave Facebook Taylor a bad experience, right? That's a real bad thing that happened. But like, generally speaking, like, if you're a person or, you know, even maybe more specifically like a woman on the internet who's like trying to navigate this world, like, it just goes into that kind of weird media echo chamber that happens where you just, you turn into like an old person very quickly and you're like, Oh man, it's all a mess, it's all terrible, everyone's awful to each other, you know? And like, and the real Antoine and the real Taylor actually display, you know, like, humanity, right? Like, the real Antoine, it turns out, sounds like was not a bad guy and like they've gone on some dates together and the real Taylor gave the fake Antoine a second chance, you know, and like took him at his word and even though that wasn't real, it seems like the real people who are actually trying to find love in the world in this story are treating each other and treating this experience with like open hearts. And I guess like when I hear this story, it worries – like TikTok Taylor seems like she's, she's throwing some bad vibes into the world with this storytelling.

Grace: Yeah, exactly. I would agree with that. I think it's just putting more negativity in the world and it's making people feel more skeptical and on guard of other people, but without anything useful to come from it.

Ben: Yeah. And no basis in fact, no basis in fact, it's just a made up story.

Ben: Well, Grace, thank you for debunking this story and talking to the real Taylor, and thank you for, thank you for your service.

Grace: You're welcome, you're welcome.

Ben: Alright, good luck out there.

Grace: Endless Thread is a production of WBUR in Boston. This episode was produced by me, Grace Tatter.

Ben: And co-hosted by me, Ben Brock Johnson.

Grace: Mix and sound design by Paul Vaitkus

Ben: The rest of our team is Amory Sivertson. Samata Joshi. Dean Russell. Matt Reed. Katelyn Harrop. Frannie Monahan. And Emily Jankowski.

Grace: Endless Thread is a podcast about the blurred lines between online communities and excellent dating advice.

Ben: Yeah, apparently a lot of which comes from me. Just kidding. If you’re a catfishing restaurant owner or you want to give us advice on our dating  profiles, or you have an unsolved mystery that you want us to tell, let us know and endlessthread at wbur.org.