The Cleverest Person in the Room | Ep. 244

Think about a time you had a problem, and somebody stepped in to help you solve it.

In today’s tale, we’ll meet a man who believes he can solve every problem on his own. And that, it turns out, is the root of the problem!

Our story is called "The Cleverest Person in the Room.” We found versions of this tale from Puerto Rico, an island in the Caribbean Sea, and Chile, a country on the western edge of South America.

Voices in this episode include Paul Dateh, Erika Rose, Ryan P. Shrime and Vanessa Aspillaga. Vanessa Aspillaga is an artist of Cuban and Peruvian descent whom you grown-ups might know from “Leave the World Behind” on Netflix and “Only Murders in the Building” on Hulu. And kids: listen for Vanessa as The Witch in “Dora Saves the Snow Princess.”

This episode was adapted for Circle Round by Rebecca Sheir. It was edited by Sofie Kodner. Original music and sound design is by Eric Shimelonis. Our artist is Sabina Hahn.

GROWN-UPS! PRINT THIS so everyone can color while listening. We’re also keeping an album so please share your picture on Facebook and Instagram, and tag it with #CircleRoundPodcast. To access all the coloring pages for past episodes click HERE. Our resident artist is Sabina Hahn and you can learn more about her HERE.

Now it’s your turn!

The famous inventor Thomas Edison once said: "I have not failed. I've just found ten thousand ways that won't work."

Next time you have a problem and you want to figure out how to make it work, try taking the following steps.

And one more thing: always remember the power of “yet”! Instead of saying, “I can’t do this!” think about saying, “I can’t do this… yet. But if I keep trying… I will!”

Musical Spotlight: Cuatro

The Puerto Rican cuatro is a small, five-stringed musical instrument. It’s descended from the Spanish lute (laúd), which Spanish settlers brought to Puerto Rico in the 16th century.

The cuatro quickly became a staple of Puerto Rico’s traditional folk music and cultural heritage. However, it was nearly lost during the early 20th century, when the United States occupied Puerto Rico and American cultural influences threatened to overtake the island’s traditional music and customs. Luckily, a new generation of Puerto Rican musicians rescued the cuatro, and worked to preserve and promote its cultural significance.

The cuatro is a versatile instrument used to play a variety of musical genres, including plenas (folkloric music), danzas (a ballroom dance genre similar to the waltz), seis (a genre derived from poetic and musical forms popular in Spain in the 16th century) and aguinaldos (Christmas music), among others. The cuatro is also used to accompany the singing of décimas: narrative songs rooted in Spanish ballads.

NARRATOR: Once upon a time, there was a town by the sea. The town was run by a mayor, who spent his days creating laws, writing speeches, and balancing budgets. He also acted as the town judge, healing cases and settling disputes brought forth by his constituents: the people he represented and served.

The mayor was a busy man. SO busy that he often didn’t leave his office in town hall until well into the evening. Sometimes he even conked out at his desk and wound up spending the night!

MAYOR: Uch! I can’t keep working myself to the bone like this! I need someone who can assist me with my duties. A dependable second-in-command who can help me get all the jobs done. (beat) I think I’ll hire… a deputy!

NARRATOR: But here’s the thing. All his life, the mayor had fancied himself to be the cleverest person in the room. The brightest baby in the nursery. The sharpest student in school. The savviest citizen in town.

So he decided that whoever he hired as deputy must ALSO be clever.

MAYOR: My deputy must be able to solve any problem! Answer any question! No matter how impossible it may seem!

NARRATOR: The first day of the mayor’s search, he woke up at dawn, put on his suit, knotted his tie, and set off toward town hall.

It was still early and the streets were empty. The only other person up and about was a woman, hard at work in a garden outside a red brick house. She was kneeling by a patch of newly-sprouted basil plants, and was giving the tiny shoots a drink from a watering can.

All at once, a thought flashed through the mayor’s mind. If he was going to spend the day posing impossible questions to possible deputies, why not start now?

He paused by the woman’s gate, then cleared his throat and called out.

MAYOR:

Hardworking gardener! It’s good to see

Young plants cared for so tenderly!

I wonder if you could please advise:

How many leaves they’ll have once they’ve grown full-size?

NARRATOR: The woman didn't respond. She just kept watering her basil. But after a moment, she lifted her gaze and fixed the mayor with glittering eyes.

NINA:

You ask how many leaves my basil will grow…?

Is that what you’re really hoping to know…?

I’ll tell you, Mister Mayor, if you tell me:

How many fish swim in the sea?

NARRATOR: And with that, she grinned a mischievous grin, sprang to her feet, and flounced into the red brick house.

[SOT: door shut]

The mayor stood stock-still, his mouth and eyes open wide. Who was this witty woman who had answered his impossible question with an impossible question of her own?

He was tempted to knock on the door and ask, but he was expected at the office. So he took one last look at the red brick house, then hurried to town hall.

He spent the rest of the day doing the usual: creating laws, writing speeches, balancing budgets, settling disputes. He even interviewed some potential deputies – none of whom were nearly clever enough for his liking.

But all the while, he couldn’t get his mind off the woman in the garden. He must see her again.

So the next morning, on his way to work, he made sure to pass by the red brick house. To his delight, the woman was once again outside, weeding her baby basil plants in the garden.

The mayor drew in a breath and called out.

MAYOR:

Hardworking gardener! It’s good to see

Young plants cared for so tenderly!

I wonder if you could please advise:

How many leaves they’ll have once they’ve grown full-size?

NARRATOR: His heart raced as he awaited the woman’s response. When at last she spoke, her eyes sparkled like the sun.

NINA:

Again you inquire about my little sprouts!

And how many leaves will come popping out!

But first tell me, oh mayor so sly:

How many stars shine in the sky?

NARRATOR: Then she tossed back her head and laughed…

NINA: (laugh)

NARRATOR: …before jumping to her feet and prancing into the red brick house.

NARRATOR: The mayor felt his heart gallop. Another impossible question! He must find out who this woman was!

Of course, he must also be on time for work; as usual, he had a busy day ahead. So he bustled off to town hall. But amidst all the law-creating, speech-writing, budget-balancing, dispute-settling, and deputy-interviewing, he couldn’t get the woman out of his head!

So the next morning, he paid the red brick house a third visit – and tingled with excitement when he spied the woman tending her basil again.

MAYOR:

Hardworking gardener! It’s good to see

Young plants cared for so tenderly!

I wonder if you could please advise:

How many leaves they’ll have once they’ve grown full-size?

NARRATOR: The woman was quiet. Then she rose to her feet and began walking toward the mayor, each step so smooth and slow it was like she was gliding through the air.

NINA: 

I will answer your daily riddle

About my basil plants so little.

But first tell me, I do beseech:

How many grains of sand lie on the beach?

NARRATOR: The woman and the mayor were face to face now. She was so close to him he could see shimmering flecks of gold dancing in her brown eyes.

All at once, the mayor felt his insides turn to jelly. Because suddenly, it dawned on him:

He hadn’t just found his deputy. He had found his soulmate!

MAYOR: (smitten, trying to play it cool) Uh, tell me, ma’am. What is your name?

NINA: My name is Nina, Mister Mayor.

MAYOR: Nina. It’s clear that you and I share a gift for cleverness! Would you do me the honor of serving as my deputy? Your brilliant mind is just what I need at town hall.

NARRATOR: The mayor held his breath as he awaited Nina’s response. She gave him a long, deep stare… then broke into a wide, bright smile.

NINA: (smiling) It would be my honor to serve as your deputy, Mister Mayor! I look forward to standing by your side.

NARRATOR: And… she did!

In more ways than one.

Over the months that followed, Nina and the mayor grew more and more enchanted with each other. Eventually, the mayor asked Nina to marry him. And she said yes – on ONE condition.

NINA: If ever I am forced to step down from my position as deputy, you must grant me one last request. Will you do that, my darling?

NARRATOR: The mayor hadn’t the foggiest notion why someone as brilliant as Nina would ever have to give up her job. But he didn’t ask any questions.

MAYOR: Of course, my sweet! If ever you’re forced to step down as deputy, I promise: I will grant you one last request.

NINA: Thank you. Now I shall write down my request and stash it away, in hopes that you’ll never have to read it.

NARRATOR: Nina picked up a pen, and scrawled some words on a piece of paper. Then she folded the paper, sealed it in an envelope, and tucked the envelope in the bottom drawer of her desk.

The mayor assumed he would never see that envelope again.

Little did he know, it was just a matter of time!

NARRATOR: What do you think Nina wrote on the paper?

And what will happen next?

We’ll find out, after a quick break.

[BREAK]

NARRATOR: Welcome back to Circle Round. I’m Rebecca Sheir. Today our story is called “The Cleverest Person in the Room.”

NARRATOR: Before the break, the mayor hired Nina to be his deputy. He then asked her to be his wife. She said yes, on one condition:

NINA: If ever I am forced to step down from my position as deputy, you must grant me one last request.

NARRATOR: The mayor agreed, and he and Nina were wed.

Nina and the mayor spent a ton of time together. When they weren’t hanging out side by side at home, they were working side by side at the office.

Nina was such a wise, trustworthy deputy that the mayor came to depend on her more and more – especially when it came to hearing cases and settling disputes. But she never issued any decisions; that was strictly the mayor’s job, not the deputy's.

One day, the mayor and Nina were presented with a curious case. A man and woman arrived at town hall, each one cradling a full-grown tabby cat in their arms. Accompanying them was a police officer; nestled in his arms was a little striped kitten. The man and woman were near tears as they stated their case.

MAN: Mister Mayor! Do you see that adorable kitten the officer is holding? My tabby cat gave birth to that kitten two months ago! Yet my neighbor claims it’s HERS!

WOMAN: Oh no no no! MY tabby cat gave birth to that adorable kitten two months ago! Yet MY neighbor claims it’s HIS!

NARRATOR: The mayor’s eyes drifted from the man, to the woman, to the kitten. Then, they drifted to Nina. She seemed to crinkle her nose before giving the mayor an encouraging nod.

MAYOR: Alright, my friends! While I am sorry to hear about your predicament, I can assure you you’ve come to the right place. As mayor of this town, it is my official duty to settle my constituents’ disputes, and I take that duty very seriously. (beat) So let’s try something, shall we?

NARRATOR: The mayor scooped the kitten out of the police officer’s arms.

MAYOR: I want our neighbors to place their tabby cats on either side of the room. I will place the kitten in the center of the room. We’ll then wait and see which cat the kitten goes to when given the choice. Because obviously, it will choose its mother!

NARRATOR: As the neighbors set their tabby cats in place, the mayor flashed Nina a confident grin. He noticed she was wrinkling her nose again – and was she sniffling? His new wife had never mentioned she had cat allergies!

MAYOR: Alright, everyone! Let’s get ready to close this case!

NARRATOR: The mayor knelt down and placed the kitten on the floor.

MAYOR: Okay, little one. Go to mommy!

NARRATOR: The kitten looked from one cat to the other. Then it stuck its nose in the air, took a sniff, and bounded over to the tabby cat owned by the man!

The kitten rubbed itself against the cat’s sides. Then it stuck out its tongue and began licking the cat’s fur, its tiny body vibrating with purrs of pleasure.

The mayor beamed.

MAYOR: Well! Just as I suspected, this kitten clearly knows its own mother! After all, she’s the one who bathes the creature with her tongue, and feeds it with her milk! When given the choice, the kitten gravitated right toward her!

NARRATOR: The man gathered the kitten and tabby cat into his arms and grinned. The woman, on the other hand, glowered.

WOMAN: But Mister Mayor! I’m telling you! MY cat is the kitten’s mother! Not HIS!

MAYOR: I’m sorry, ma’am. But the evidence is clear! This case is – (gets cut off before “closed!”)

NINA: (interrupting) Not so fast!

NARRATOR: The mayor turned to Nina with a start.

MAYOR: What did you say?

NINA: I said… not so fast.

NARRATOR: Nina strided over to the man’s tabby cat and peered at it from head to tail. Then she bent down, buried her nose in its fur, and took a big sniff!

NINA: (ad-lib sniffing)

NARRATOR: When she pulled away… she was laughing!

NINA: (laughing– continue long enough to cover the following:)

NARRATOR: Nina laughed so hard, she doubled over and clutched her sides. The mayor shot her a stormy look.

MAYOR: Nina! How dare you laugh at a time like this? I beg you to get a hold of yourself!

NARRATOR: Nina took a breath and her giggles ceased. But she was still smiling.

NINA: (smiling) You’ll have to forgive me, Mister Mayor. It’s just – well – there’s no way this cat can be the kitten’s mother!

NARRATOR: The mayor’s brow knotted with anger.

MAYOR: Of course there is! You saw it yourself! The kitten went bounding over to its mother and began lapping at her fur. No doubt seeking dried-up drops of milk!

NINA: But Mister Mayor! That’s impossible! This cat can’t give milk!

MAYOR: And why not?!??

NINA: Because this cat… is a TOM!

MAYOR: What???

NINA: A tom cat. A male. And since when can a male cat give milk?

NARRATOR: The mayor’s mouth dropped open.

MAYOR: But – but – why did the kitten run over to it? If it wasn’t its mother?

NINA: Because this man covered his tom cat’s fur… with CATNIP!

NARRATOR: Nina leaned down and took another sniff.

NINA: (SNIFF!!) Yup! That’s catnip, alright! Sort of minty, sort of peppery, sort of lemony…? Cats go wild for it! So the kitten wasn't licking dried-up milk, Mister Mayor. It was licking catnip! 

NARRATOR: All eyes were on the mayor now. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Beads of sweat glistened on his face.

MAYOR: (not used to being wrong) Well! It seems even the cleverest make mistakes from time to time! I hereby order our tom-cat owner to relinquish the kitten, so it may return to its proper home. (beat) Now this case is closed!

NARRATOR: The man sheepishly handed the kitten to the woman. After the police officer had escorted the townspeople out of the room, the mayor looked at Nina with a frown.

MAYOR: Nina. You know how much I value your opinion. Your insight. Your astounding intelligence! It’s why you’re such an extraordinary deputy! But today, you overstepped your position.

NINA: “Overstepped”...?

MAYOR: Yes! You butted into MY case – and what’s more, you LAUGHED at me!

NINA: But I wasn't laughing at YOU! I was laughing at – (gets interrupted)

MAYOR: (cutting her off) You made me look like a fool! In front of my constituents! (beat) I love you dearly, Nina. And I wish to live by your side forever! But I can no longer work by your side. You will have to give up your position as deputy. 

NARRATOR: Nina stared at the mayor, then nodded her head.

NINA: Very well then. I shall do as you say. (beat) But remember: before we were wed, you made a promise. You gave me your word that if I was forced to give up my position as deputy, you would grant me one last request.

NARRATOR: She walked over to her desk and pulled open the bottom drawer. She rummaged around, then plucked out the sealed envelope and handed it to the mayor.

NINA: Here is my request. Will you read it, please?

NARRATOR: The mayor took hold of the envelope. Nina could see his fingers were trembling. Slowly, he undid the seal, unfolded the paper, and began to read.

And as he did, all traces of anger vanished from his face. Instead… he smiled! And then…

MAYOR: (laughter)

NARRATOR: …he laughed!

MAYOR: (laughter continues)

NARRATOR: The mayor laughed so hard, he doubled over and clutched his sides.

And do you know why?

Because as Nina wrote in her note, her last request… if she was ever forced to give up her position as deputy…

MAYOR: (reading) (carefully, but with a little laugh) “…is that my HUSBAND must give up HIS position, too!”

NARRATOR: The mayor threw down the note and threw himself into Nina’s arms.

MAYOR: My darling! I am so sorry! Can you ever forgive my foolishness?

NINA: (playful) That depends. (beat) Can you tell me how many fish swim in the sea…? Or how many stars shine in the sky…? Or how many grains of sand lie on the beach…?

NARRATOR: The mayor grinned. For he now knew, in his heart and bones, who the cleverest person in the room really was.

And it wasn’t him.

As it happens, Nina did step down from her position as deputy that day.

She then stepped UP to her position… as judge. The mayor happily handed over all of his dispute-settling duties. And Nina quickly became known as the wisest, fairest, and cleverest judge in all the land.